Expressions of our Shadows. Patterns of reaction and repression, and why they keep showing up!

As my journey of growth has progressed over the years I've learnt the power of reflecting and going inward to find answers. This hs created a huge shift in my self-awareness. Becoming a mother ramped it up even further as I found a deep desire and drive to be a "better" person for my daughter.

This has meant my behaviours became a lot more obvious and, if I’m being honest, pretty confronting at times.

Before I found the Gene Keys I believed my behaviours were a flaw in my making. Something I needed to get rid off, a reason for my wrongness. With the Gene Keys all parts of me are not only allowed but have purpose and meaning. The acceptance that I've been able to cultivate while working with them has been life-changing.

The hostility I present when I feel I'm carrying more than my fair share is a sign of my Agitation shadow and a call for me to use my Initiative. When I feel an impulsive urge to start something for the wrong reasons, I know it's my Immaturity shadow telling me to check my intentions are aligned with my desire for Expansion. My Entropy shadow can show up as depression, my Impatience shadow as resigned pessimism or pushy restlessness (you can ask my daughter about this one).

Before I recognised and understood where these behaviours were coming from I was lost in regular cycles of self-criticism. Who was I? Why was I so angry? Why couldn’t I listen and respond calmly? Why did my emotions always take over and cause me to behave in hurtful ways or say something judgmental?

It was like I could see myself from a distance and watch the behaviour unfold but I had no control in the moment to make a better choice in how I responded. My emotional state was running my life.

Reactive & Repressive responses

Reacting is a thoughtless impulse driven by our immediate emotions, habitual patterns and deep shadows. It is a defensive or aggressive behaviour, generally not very constructive and can often be hurtful to others or ourselves. Our reactive patterns show up when our system is in a survival response of fight or flight.

Repressive responses are like internal reactions. Instead of externally expressing the energy of our shadows, we go inward - hiding, ignoring, frozen. These patterns show up when our system is in a freeze or fawn survival response.

When our nervous system is disregulated we are essentially running on autopilot and have little control over when and how these survival responses show up. We lose our power and with it the ability to consciously respond.

Take a moment to look over your past week. Are you aware of how you've responded in different situations? Were you overly talkative and unable to listen? Did you speak badly about a friend behind their back or yell at your child? Maybe you detached from or avoided a situation?

Each of the 64 Gene Key Shadows has a reactive and repressive nature.

Let’s take Gene Key and Human Design Gate 43 as an example. The Gene Key Shadow here is Deafness. It often manifests as an inability or unwillingness to listen. You can become closed off or “deaf” to different perspectives. A mental obsession with your own ideas, unable to hear those of others.

There is a deep fear of silence. Silence invites vulnerability. It creates space for others to share, for you to feel your feelings and hear your inner wisdom. This space can be pretty terrifying when you've been taught to suppress your emotions and voice.

The anxious feeling of having to hear your internal world can trigger your fight or flight response and you may react by continuously talking, speaking over others, interrupting and becoming opinionated and noisy - desperate to take up space. When in a freeze or fawn response, the fear of silence manifests as worry and being unobservant.

These patterns are like little bells the shadow is ringing, asking to be acknowledged and accepted, allowed to be part of you without the need to hide. Through this acceptance process we can access the gift hiding in this Shadow - Insight!

This is just one example, but reactions come in all shapes and sizes; desperation, judgment, neediness, controlling, restlessness, aggression, addiction, and boastfulness are some expressions from the Shadows of human nature.

So what does it mean to respond instead of react?

Responding is approaching a situation with space, intention and mindfulness. It comes from slowing down, doing the work to regulate our nervous system and having the awareness to take a moment to pause, assess and choose how you respond.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl

It's important to note that this doesn't mean we never choose to respond through reaction or repression. When we experience genuine threats (even if not a life or death situation) it is still required for us to access the fight or flight or freeze or fawn response. Being regulated means our response is appropriate to the circumstances, and we're able to dip in and out of that response as we need and then come back to a calm baseline.

As with our Shadow patterns - the aim is not to eradicate them, it is to look deeper when they ring the bell. To learn to accept them as parts of us and use them to access our gifts.

It has been quite a process in recognising my own reactive patterns. The Gene Keys have been profound in that process. But i still find myself disregulated and a slave to my shadow patterns in seasons of stress or challenge, and when I'm not taking steps to look after myself.

We must understand that transformation is a process. It's not a place that we arrive at or a state that we reach. It is an ongoing spiral that we dip up and down on, but hopefully remain in an upward trend with each new experience and revelation. Give yourself grace when you fall and remember that you now have the awareness to get up and try again.

The more I practice self-awareness, reflect, use tools to regulate my nervous system, work on uncovering my shadows and understanding the source of my suffering the easier it gets to live in my power and respond with kindness rather than fear.

Please note that I am not qualified in any way to offer psychological advice on individual circumstances. Everything I share comes from my own personal experiences, unique perspectives, and ongoing training in mental health and personal growth, as well as from my work as a Gene Keys Guide. My intention is to inspire reflection and self-discovery. I highly encourage you to seek professional support if you are struggling and to find alternative perspectives if you feel it’s needed for your unique journey.